The Caring Gardener

Of course people believed in souls, because how could someone who was once so full of life, now lay motionless, a mere empty shell? Where did you go? Where have they taken you to? 

A lifetime passed, all the laughters and conversations made are now just memories recalled. As you wait for the last trickle of sand to land, did you think that life was brief? One moment you were experiencing life for the first time, and the next moment Death is holding the door open, waiting for you to step through it. 

The wheel of life is such a weird and cruel thing, why were we born at all, if we are going to leave someday. Why give us all these things to love, if they are going to be taken away at the end of the day?

2025 - All's well that ends well ☘︎

2025 was a roller coaster of a year! It was so eventful, I enjoyed every single moment of it - even the hurtful ones!

I completed my final year project, I did my internship, I met the in-love version of me, I made new friends, I became closer to my uni friends, I lost weight (then gained it all back), I hiked so many hills, went on so many walks, watched so many beautiful sunsets, went to malls more times than I can count, I graduated with a bachelor's degree, and I got a job offer by the end of the year!

pull me out of this abyss !!!

Waking up at the rise of dawn,
Snoozing the alarm 6 times before realizing I can't afford to hit another snooze button anymore if I don't want to be late for work, finally getting the energy to push myself off the bed, will I be able to make it on time if I want to cook for lunch? probably..let's just try. Can this nugget cook faster? Why is it so slow it has been 10 minutes. Ok time to chop the onions. Do I need to wash these dishes now or later when I get back home? Oh my god I'm rushing now. Ok time to take a shower. What should I wear today? Now hair oil. Hair spray. My bag, my bag. What else did I forgot? My charger. Hmm. Socks, lunch box, bag, car keys. OH SWITCH OFF ALL THE SWITCHES AND UNPLUG EVERYTHING. Ok lock the door. Oh hi puppy, the dog food ran out I'll buy some later. Sorry no food for you this morning :(.

The untying of the rock

Thank you for dipping my legs in the sea,
for giving me a chance to be immersed in the cold water.
for allowing me to learn how to swim,
for giving me the chance to discover how to move my hands with the current,
for allowing me to plant hope in the deep blue of unknown.

In the Swirl of Moments - Exhibit K

In the swirl of moments, I gave you an opening. A chance to come into my world.

And I have never given anyone that chance before. You gave me your time of the day, and I got hooked. A day without your notifications made me spiral into the abyss of my anxious thoughts. I gave you the power of controlling my emotions without you even knowing. 

Monthly Wrap Up - February 2024

 

Hello! Welcome to a new tradition I am starting on my blog - a series of monthly wrap-ups - which aims to get an overview of all the stuff I've been doing for the past month! This includes the shows I've watched, books read, songs that were put on a loop until I've got every word of it memorized. and every events of my life that is worth mentioning!

Anne Of The Island

This book is like a Bible to me, in between Anne's journey to getting an M.A. degree, the laughter of the girls (and Aunt) at Patty's Place, and the series of romantic and unromantic proposals, are weaved in between with words of wisdom, and descriptions of nature that tinted a rose coloured view on my perception of life. Every time I finish an L.M. Montgomery book, I find myself 150% more optimistic than I was 3 hours before. Maud's writing has that spell on me. 

I find myself being consoled by the fact that some of my own worries are experienced by Anne too, it's like reading advices from an older sister. And it makes me feel less alone in my struggle to adulthood and living up to the principles I have set on myself. 

Do you think, Diana, that being grown up is really as nice as we used to imagine it would be when we were children?
'I don't know -  there are some nice things about it,' [...] 'But there are so many puzzling things too. Sometimes I feel as if being grown up just frightened me - and then I would give anything to be a little girl again.'

'I suppose we'll get used to being grown up in time,' said Anne cheerfully. 'There won't be so many unexpected things about it by and by - though after all, I fancy it's the unexpected things that give spice to life.'

Daily Dose of Sunshine - KDrama Review

 ‟All of us are standing on the border between normal and abnormal.”

Initially, I decided to watch this K-Drama because I came across a TikTok video about it, and because I found out that Park Bo-Young is the main lead in this drama. But the storyline made me stay until the end. This is actually the only K-Drama that I managed to watch until the last episode this year! My commitment is so bad I couldn't even get myself to commit to finish a K-Drama....until I came across this one.

This K-Drama tells the story of nurse Jung Da-Eun as she navigates life as a psychiatry nurse. Every patient that is warded in the psychiatric unit has their own diagnosis and backstory. This has shone light on the various types of mental illnesses and how one's life can be affected by it, both on the patient and their caregivers. 

Mental health issues is like a topic that is kept in a dark room with warnings on the door to not get in, at least that's what it's like for me while I was growing up. Even today, there is still such a huge stigma on the topic of mental illnesses. "Dia ada masalah otak tu." "Orang gila tu". Words like "crazy" is often used to describe people that are deemed abnormal by society's standard, when actually there are more accurate terms that could be used to describe people with mental illnesses. The spectrum is so wide, if only more people care enough to learn them. 

sunlight

Sunlight is streaming in through the window,
caressing my face with its warmth,
the light it brings onto my skin,
is blowing away the dark clouds in my mind.

Can you feel how happy I am? I want this feeling to seep into these words and right through your screen and make petals of cherry blossoms to fall right around you! I want these words to billow a stream of breezes that kisses you in the cheek and swirl around you in a hug. I am thankful for the sunlight, and the warmth that it brings, and the feelings that it conjured in my heart. 

How do I ever tell the sun how much I love it? How do I ever let it know how I appreciate it so much? I hope by opening up the curtains and windows every morning and letting it stream into my room is enough of a love letter to it. 

The reflection of lights on the teapot, the stillness of a kitchen in the afternoon, everything that puts your existence under a magnifying glass, I shall love them all.

How My First Part Time Job Went!

 I quit my part time job! I was supposed to work until the 8th of October but I realized that I don't have the energy to go on for another 8 days so I decided to quit on the 29th (something triggered me to make such rushed decision but we're not gonna go into details about that T^T)

Quitting the job made me feel like I was born anew! (although ngl there's a lingering feeling of guilt weighing on my back but I'll take responsibility for that :') ) 

These 2 months of working definitely taught me a few things that I hope I would never forget and would be able to take advantage of. One of the lesson that I learned is to not be afraid to try new things. Of course you're not going to get immediately good at the things you just learned. It takes time and patience for you to master a certain skill. But that doesn't mean you should avoid doing it at all cost because "you're going to be bad at it". How else are you going to improve yourself if not by trying and practicing?

1st week in my 1st job!!

 omg!! I finally got my first job! T^T

The me a month ago would be in awe if she finds out that the me now has secured a part time job! And I am so proud of myself too :').  It definitely wasn't easy securing a part time job. Heck I didn't even know it was that hard. Honestly, I thought I could just apply to one vacancy spot and then I would be accepted immediately :/ turns out life is not that easy.

TV Shows and Movies I've Enjoyed Recently

 

image source

We're halfway through 2022! Between all the assignments and uni events I've been so caught up with, I managed to squeeze in a few movies and TV shows (most of which I watched during procastination-hour but we're not gonna talk about that xP ) !

First year of degree

wow...I'm done with my first year of degree (well, almost done. I still have my final exams to sit for and I'm writing a blog post as a form of procastination xP ). Two semesters feels so short and I can't believe I spent most of it sitting on my desk in my bedroom. I am supposed to be out there planning weekend getaways with my new found friends, going to places I have never been to before, and grumpily waking up early in the morning because I have to attend an 8 am physical class! Damn it pandemic why do you have to rob me out of the joy of being a first year? :( 

the everchanging perspectives on life

As the years of teenage closes behind me, I took my first step into the world of adulthood. Now my horizon is expanding, when I open the door I am greeted with the sight of an open field. There are not one, not two, but hundreds and thousands of roads branching out of the path that I am standing on.

My Experience Studying in KML during pandemic

I remember feeling so excited before entering KML. A few weeks before entering matrics, I began searching on all platforms about alumni experiences and I remember reading a lot of blogposts from alumni....

My Thoughts on the novel Heartless by Marissa Meyer (MAJOR SPOILER INCLUDED)

⚠️ WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ⚠️

I just finished Heartless by Marissa Meyer and oh god... How did such a good beginning has such a tragic ending? Reading this book truly felt like going down a rabbit's hole. It is an adventure, though it ended in a loud thump, I landed on my ass and the pain shot through my heart.

Long story short I survived

  

I can't believe I am typing this, with 30 minutes left until 2021, on my bed, in college! Like what the hell? 

Midnight thoughts: Friendships

It has been quite a long time since I last pulled an all-nighter. I couldn't sleep, and I ended up overthinking about a lot of things which resulted in me sleeping at 5 a.m. .

I Passed My JPJ test!!

Hii I just passed my JPJ driving test and I am so grateful! 😭❤

In this blog post, I want to share about my journey in getting a driving liscense! I actually started in February this year, and I attended driving practice up until March until the Movement Control Order (MCO) was implemented on the country.

About

Hello! Thank you for visiting my blog! This is just one of the many nooks and crannies of the internet where I blabber about things that crossed my mind. Allow me to walk you through the books I've read, TV shows I've watched, and the many woes I faced as I navigate myself through this life. 

PS it's better to view this blog on ur desktop. I haven't make it to be smartphone friendly yet.