Which one would I choose? It is all up to me now. The decisions are all in my hand. But how would I choose? How would I know which one would be the best for me?
I think it's all made by the things we experienced while walking on the road. You might want to go for road A to reach the Apple at the end of the road, but while you were walking on that road, a rabbit might hop pass to cross the road and you would have to stop for a minute to make way. Someone might kick a pebble which accidentally hit you on your shoes, and all it takes is the movement of the pebbles and a minute of stillness to change the course of your thoughts.
In that moment, road A doesn't seem too interesting anymore. While you cannot go back in time to undo going into road A, you can always choose to go into the branched out road on the side lanes.
When I was in school, I used to think that I would get married early. Being 30 and still not married yet honestly sounded horrifying to me. I remember finding out that my science teacher is approaching 35 yet still doesn't have children, and I remember knowing my english teacher is 30 years old yet she's still not married. I was so horrified.
Now 5 years later, I'm starting to think that approaching 30 and not being married honestly doesn't feel too terrifying after all. In fact, I'm honestly even starting to contsider living to the end as an old maid.
Finding a man to start a family with doesn't feel like the greatest blessing anymore. But I don't understand, why do the married women around us took pity and even villanized on women who doesn't wish to give her life up for another person?
I also don't understand, why is it in a marriage, it always feels as if it is like a downgrade for the women? Why am I expected to do the chores, to cook the meals, and on top of it all, to bear the pain of having children?
I don't understand how when in a marriage, men always villanizes their wives saying that they are chaining them up and controlling them. The number of time I have come across men saying when they were young they were controlled by their mothers, and when they got married their wives controll them. Didn't you yourself agreed to get married too? Are you expecting your wives to let you run around until the middle of the night while she's alone at home taking care of your child and being your personal cook? Recently, I heard a man telling his friend that he has to bring his wife somewhere or she wouldn't stop "menyalak". How could you even use a word meant for dogs when talking about your wife?
I don't understand at all. Most of all, I don't understand why it is us, women, who have to go through so much pain and sacrifices to have a man's child. Why is it always us who have to endure such pain? And it doesn't end there.
I definitely do not wish to put myself through all that hell.
But I am so scared too. What if someday, I found a person that I would endure all that pain for? What if one day I would experience all the pain that a husband is capable to inflict upon a wife?
If that day comes, do I continue walking on the road that I chose, with baggages hanging on my shoulders. Or do I change my destination towards the other branched out road?
Post a Comment